I was blown away by a comment at Pelle's blog by Bj0rnborg. I'll highlight it here.
I have more to say about the male solution-oriented genderrole, I thought id mention it here. From a genderroll-perspective, men are the providers of the family. We cannot indulge in the luxury of bitching and complaining about things, when problems arise we MUST solve them in order to live up to the responsibility we have. (taking care of family). These solutions might be good or bad, but we always strive to solve issues and move on.
It's often said that the male gender role is that of a provider, but what all goes into making a man a good provider? Well I think Bj0rnborg's point describes a large component of what goes into making a male a good provider. What do portrayals of masculinity do men look up to? The most common one that I think of is stoic, non-complaining, men of action. These portrayals are exemplified throughout the media. The John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, action hero, badass guy types. They're the guys who don't let their emotions get to them and are always able to solve any problem. The men that are most looked up to, are the men that "don't complain like a little bitch." (which is a loaded phrase, but I think describes what men think of complainers). The male gender role often seems to be one of valuing the ability to not only solve problems, to not only be resourceful, but to not complain while doing so. As Bj0rnborg put it, the male gender role calls for action, whether or not the action is good or bad.
Clearly this can cause many problems for men. The expectation that men solve every problem, and if you can't then you're less of a man, is a hard burden to bear. I don't doubt that many men have buckled under such pressure. This is possibly one of the many things that can cause male health problems. Also the fact that men are somewhat barred from talking about their problems limits male discussion in gender issues. Men still have to deal with the internalization of "don't complain" so they haven't been able to find their voice in gender discussions. Instead all too often they forego discussing it. On top of that of course, they lack the language to discuss their problems also. It's a double whammy, first their gender role makes it difficult to even begin expressing their problems and then they lack the language to do it. With that said I think more men are waking up to state of affairs.
Thoughts?
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12 comments:
The male gender role often seems to be one of valuing the ability to not only solve problems, to not only be resourceful, but to not complain while doing so.
I would also add that the male gender seems to value the abilities of not asking for help (which is why you have the joking about men being too stubborn to ask for directions when lost) and (this may be the most damaging of all) not speaking up when mistrated.
I hit submit before reading all of your post or I would have noticed you covered what I just said in the second paragraph.
I think that men are starting to wake up and stand up and just like the early feminists people don't like it. The first feminists were told they were wrong for standing up and rising up (by people of both genders). The first men's rights activists (I try to use this despite feminism's best efforts to spin the term into something negative) are being told that they are wrong for standing up and rising up.
Danny:
I would also add that the male gender seems to value the abilities of not asking for help (which is why you have the joking about men being too stubborn to ask for directions when lost)
Good point. The male gender role values the complete ability of the man to provide for himself. You need help? What, be a man, you don't ask for help! I mean what do we value, the self made man. Think about that expression.
On a personal level, I think I've often found myself doing these kinds of things. For example, I don't typically like asking for help. I try to in fact avoid it. I have a DIY approach when I'm doing things.
Genderrol dynamics is what really fascinates me.
This attitude of "a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, and be a man about it" have many both positive and negative effects for the male.
The corresponding female role not taking responsibility, but beeing sensitive to her own emotional needs, have many both positive and negative effects for the female.
As you state in your post, men cannot affort the luxury complaining, they need to solve problems and move on.
This is good because it helps us to quickly accept and adapt to things we cannot affect making us effective and productive, while stereotypical female would dwell on it for much longer and to no avail. Wich is bad, a generator of negative energy/emotions/input.
On the other hand, the same generroll hinders men from engaging in introspection and gives us alot of emotional garbage, whilst women becomes much better to look after their own emotional well beeing.
In genderroll dynamics one could argue the case that men take responsibility for the physical wellbeeing of both his spouse and himself, and women takes responsibility for the emotional wellbeeing of both themselves and their spouse.
This is why men feel so betrayed by feminists, they are not fullfilling their part of the "bargain". Instead of taking care of the male emotional weakspot, they add to it instead by shame and blame rhetorics. Among other things.
Ah, the above comment was from me.
Actually, thinking about it, I would go as far as to say that many leading feminists are using and abusing this male emotional weakspot conciously, to get their way.
It aint pretty.
Welcome to the blog Bj0rnborg!
On the other hand, the same generroll hinders men from engaging in introspection and gives us alot of emotional garbage
This is a major problem, I think, for men in a gender movement. Men must be able to talk about these issues. The inability of men to articulate their own issues, is an issue itself!
I also think though, that a person needs an outlet for their emotional problems. The male gender role limits the available outlets for men to "let off some steam." So it's important for men to be able to talk about problems for their own well being. How many problems that seem to affect men more, could be helped by men feeling freer to talk about their problems?
This is true.
But there is very little acceptance for male weakness, both in the old genderroll society, and in the new feministic discourse.
In the genderroll society a weak man (using weakness in a general sense) was a threat to other men. Not only does he not contribute enough (collectively) and increase other mens workload, he also becomes a constant reminder of every mans (humans) inherant weakness (or maybe better put, emotional needs), an urge wich men fight so hard to supress. (and if willpower fails, alkohol and other drugs might work better).
A weak man is also considered less attractive by females, since he is not a good provider . Both selfcontempt and social stigma comes as a result, aswell as isolation and lonlieness.
In the feministic equalitydiscourse, women have monopolized victimhood, male suffering are made invisible, less important than its female counterpart or even met with disdainfullness. (courtesy old genderollvalues that every feminist holds but refuses to confess).
So we do not only have to overcome ourselves, but both the old and the new society to win the right to express our inner thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I had an interesting experience at the tram a while ago. Picture this;
A man in the tram is silently crying. Noone knows why.
The closeby women cant decide if they should contact him and somehow comfort him (female genderroll: taking care of everyones emotional wellbeeing).
The other men in the bus are looking away. Why? Sure, its a display of weakness, and a reminder of every mans own inner fight. But the most important reason? Out of respect. Out of respect of whatever trouble that particular man had, for another man to engage into that situation would only increase that mans shame/selfcontempt/selfawareness. So we respectfully keep away, just as we keep our own emotional bagage to ourselves so not to burden any other man. Every man has more than enough of his own.
Just a few thoughts. We need to break this negative circle where holding back emotion is a sign of respect towards others, and not aknowledging other men when they display this kind of emotion is respecting the burden we all bear.
Bj0rnborg you make another great comment. In fact I might, use it for another post. Your tram experience really made me think.
Always feel free to use whatever I write. No matter if I agree or not, it will inspire me to further explore my own feelings and thoughts about that particular subject.
Apparently this was only true about women 40-50 years of age.
The reason is that they cost the incurancecompany more money. (meaning they are worse drivers than men of that same age).
Link in swedish:
http://www.expressen.se/motor/1.875835/dyrare-bilforsakring-for-kvinnor
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